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Ever since I moved to Belgium I have loved the fact that almost nothing stops the cycle sport calendar with the cyclo-cross season kicking off almost as soon as the road season finishes. However one of my frustrations was that … Continue reading
The New Year’s Day ride is a ritual for me, the year hasn’t really started until I have turned the pedals. But this year’s ride was something really uniquely Belgian, or rather Flemish.
The presence of my Kiwi cycling brother-in-law meant that we had an excuse to finish his stay in Belgium with a classic ride – one of the many marked Tour of Flanders race routes, this one taking in nine of the classic climbs from the final section in the Flemish Ardennes. The Kruisberg, Oude Kwaremont, Paterberg and Koppenberg are climbs written into cycling folklore. While I watched the race last year I have not actually ridden them and he couldn’t come to Belgium without trying one of the legends so we had the reason we needed to head off. This would also be payoff for our days of flogging through the rain and mud on mountain bikes before Christmas, this was a treat for the fans.
We had a plan to get up early and get ourselves over to Ronse for a few hours of special riding. However if you had asked me if it was going to be a top day’s cycling when the alarm went at 8am I would not have been able to give you a very positive answer, New Year’s Eve’s aftermath left me thinking that an afternoon potter through the lanes would be a much more sensible plan. However the requirement of being a good host and the promise of a special route was just about enough to get me going, or rather a pint of tea and a start line coffee did the job.
I chose the 78km Blue Route (De Blauwe Lus) one of three published by the Tour of Flanders centre in Oudenaarde, but by starting from Ronse on the Southern edge of the route we planned to cut out the flat start and finish sections in and out of Oudenaarde and make it into a 55km circular route, quite enough for a New Year’s blow-out. (map image and downloads from Routeyou.com )
It was an overcast blustery day with rain forecast later so we had to take on the mid-morning chill, but overall it was a stunning ride. The flat country lanes between the climbs were a bit muddy and horribly exposed whenever we turned into the wind, but provided enough respite to give the hills our full attention and the views from the top were great.
Kicking off on the Kruisberg with 1.8km of cobbled climbing up to 9% gradient meant we were plenty warm enough before we felt the full force of the wind on the exposed hill tops. However the Kruisberg cobbles are well maintained and like a carpet compared to what was coming. The Monte de l’Enclus wasn’t too steep or cobbled but from when we hit the Oude Kwaremont we understood the challenge.
The lower slope was deceptive as the village church could be seen on at the summit and it didn’t look too steep, but the smooth road surface was a trap for the unwary.
The cobbles soon started and the reality struck. Andrew looked smooth as if he was born part Belgian but I was labouring away finding it very hard to keep my gear moving despite a triple chainset.
The key lesson about this sort of riding is that you are denied the fallback of getting out of the saddle when the hill gets steep. As soon as I stood up to get a bit of extra leverage the back wheel started to bounce and all grip was lost, you just have to stay hard in the saddle and heave the pedals round from a seated position. This completely exposed the fact that I have never had that kind of strength, I have always been an out of the saddle climber and it was tough. Andrew found out the grip problem the hard way on the Paterberg when his back wheel just shot from underneath him and dumped him on the cobbles, but as he said “its not as it I was moving very fast”. He did get back on and complete the hill – although you can see the effort!
The Koppenberg defeated us both as the big damp greasy stones and the 19% gradient proved an impossible combination with no traction whatsoever.
We were entirely philosophical about it as the Koppenberg has seen the majority of the professional peloton walking in the Tour of Flanders, especially when wet. Fans always recall the incident in 1987 when Danish rider Jesper Skibby had broken away from the chasers and fell off on the narrow hill. The race director then promptly ran over his fallen bike with Skibby still on it, apparently to keep clear of the chasing group. Opinion varies on whether he would have done that it Skibby had been Flemish!
The descents had to be treated with respect too, the roads were drying out but these are tiny agricultural lanes with quite a bit of mud and gusty cross winds stopping us taking full advantage.
But here’s the thing. Once again rural Belgium was a cyclists’ paradise. Every climb was car free, we had the complete width of the roads to wobble and wander and on most of the minor roads we hardly saw a vehicle. Apart of the one or two main roads we had to cross we probably saw as many cyclists as cars and those were countable on one hand. However you are never divorced from the cycling heritage round here as this farm’s mural paid testament to the heroes of the nation.
It is also entirely possible that we might be considered completely mad by the locals. The sensible Flemish who live nearby can do this every day and it takes an Englishman and a Kiwi to get up early on a cold New Year’s morning to ride De Ronde so they left us to it. If that’s the case I accept the charge, but I personally can’t think of a better way to make 2014 a special cycling year – christened by riding De Ronde Van Vlaanderen Fietsroute on New Year’s Day.
Thanks for all the positive feedback about my previous “Ten best things about being a cyclist in Belgium”.
If a visitor wanted to gently tease our Belgian hosts about some of the less attractive features of riding here you could line a reasonable consensus around at least four of the list below. And as an ex-pat Brit I am putting in a special plea for the cyclists’ café stop.
Ridiculously bad road surfaces
A road defect reporting tool like the wonderful www,FillThatHole.org.uk would be seen as some sort of joke here, overwhelming local authorities by the sheer volume of holes and degraded surfaces in Belgium.
I put it down to the starting point. If 200 year old cobbles are acceptable as road surfaces then it seems that anything else is a bonus. I come back from rides with the local club with my neck and shoulders aching from the battering despite the fact that the group leaders make big detours to avoid all the worst stretches of pavé in the area. And I have already had my first nasty crash on the holes, the only thing missing from my set is a bent rim or two, but I am sure it is to come.
And this carries over to unswept and unrideable cycle paths, pavements and road edges. Yet I hear almost no complaints and there does not seem to be a wave of litigation from crashed cyclists and motorcyclists to force the authorities into action. It is how it is, apparently.
I had sort of assumed that the cobbles themselves are somehow wired into the Belgian DNA and that by living here you gradually hone a riding technique that works for you and it all becomes rather straightforward, a bit like living in the mountains.
In reality it appears that while practice means local riders have less fear of the worst pave than tourists what they really develop is a sixth sense for avoiding it, either by taking another route or by riding anywhere except on the carriageway itself.
One of the most amazing racing sights I saw on TV last year was a mid-ranking professional event held between the spring classics called Flèche brabançonne – the Brabant Arrow/Brabantse Pijl. A full field of top riders, won by Peter Sagan, second Philippe Gilbert, so serious stuff. As they entered Overijse for the finish circuit the entire pro peloton bunny-hopped up onto the pavement led by the Belgians to climb a cobbled hill in what was clearly a planned move.
Impressive bike handling indeed. Wonder what the pedestrians think?
Compulsory cycle lanes
Going with the really bad road surfaces and some of the unrideable cycle lanes comes a parallel problem. The cycle paths, when present, are obligatory. Absolutely stupid, unenforceable rule.
No matter how badly surfaced, no matter how many pedestrians wander all over them, despite the fact that there is no provision for clearing them in snow we are supposed to use them. Fortunately most drivers don’t seem too bothered that cyclists don’t tend to use them much because they are frankly dangerous so I don’t bother much of the time.
Although I was shouted at by an angry cyclist not so long ago. Maybe he works for the municipality.
An old post on the subject here
Unfathomable driving
I refer you to my post on roundabouts. Still got no idea what they are doing. Interestingly some readers assumed my post was a general rant about how bad roundabouts are for cyclists around the world.
It wasn’t. I have cycled, walked and driven all over the world and there is something uniquely odd about a Belgian motorist faced by a roundabout. Incomprehensible.
So called touring routes that don’t exist
Just to say that in Wallonia the maps tell me that there is a whole network of cycle touring routes stretching across the province.
No there isn’t. Except maybe in somebody’s head. The riding is fantastic, but out there on the roads there is just nothing to support you by way of signs or markings. I am on my third set of published maps and I haven’t found one yet that actually exists on the ground. Local circular routes around a single commune yes. Walking and MTB networks – brilliant. Fietspunt in Flanders – fine.
Personally I probably don’t need signed routes, I’ll just use my maps. But let’s not pretend OK? Because it us useless for everyone else.
No tea stops
The ceremonial process that transcends the cycling club ride or the cycle tour.
The place where legends are made and debated, seasons are digested, rides are planned and friendships made.
The coffee stop. The cyclists’ café. It is as much part of a British club cyclists’ DNA as the cobbles are to the Belgians. The Eureka, Tommy’s, the Dalesman, the Riverside, Top of the Town are part of our heritage. The bikes lined up from the multiple clubs are a symbol of our community.
Around 11am on a Sunday morning my body almost shuts down and I go a little lightheaded for lack of caffeine and cake. Then they don’t stop, except maybe for a quick pee behind a hedge.
The tea stop is a fine tradition Belgium – one worth investing in!
So that’s it. 10 great things about Belgium, and 5 moans. I hope that puts it all in balance, I am not despairing.
For those that followed my posts from Warsaw two weeks ago I finally got round to writing my professional reflections on the whole experience of the Global Climate sessions over on the European Cyclists’ Federation web site. Click here for the full story.
My previous blog post from Warsaw that showed 12 police vans in a cycle lane clearly struck a chord with the cycling community over there – thanks to their facebook posts it is now my most read post. Now I never expected that. To see the rest of the posts click the Warsaw tab below or right.
Together with our cycling supporters from Poland and Ukraine and our Transport Day livery scarves.
Thanks to my brother Trevor for the link to this YouTube.
Looking forward to revisiting Australian cycling culture next May at Velo-city Global Adelaide.
A year ago we moved to Belgium.
By way of an anniversary post and a thank you to my new country here are my musings about the best things about cycling here so far.
Next week I might throw in a few pet hates, although the scales are overwhelmingly positive for the first year in this great cycling nation.
In no particular order this British cyclist’s “Ten best of cycling in Belgium” are
Social cycling1. Social cycling – you are not alone.
Recreational and sports cycling in Belgium is overwhelmingly a collective activity. At the weekend you can hear the groups of cyclists passing our house not by the tyre swoosh but by sounds of talking and laughing. I have commented that I love the sense of community in the small towns and villages of Belgium that carries over into the cycling, everywhere I go I see people riding together.
It’s not just the big pelotons of club cyclists in the touring and racing clubs.
It’s the scouts.
It’s the youth clubs.
It’s the senior citizens on a Friday night near Ghent.
It’s just a couple of friends riding their mountain bikes.
It’s the randonnée à vélo for families that every village and town puts on for its jour de fete.
2. The Classics
The chance to experience the Tour of Flanders (Ronde van Vlaanderen), Fleche Wallonne and Liege-Bastogne-Liege are just fantastic days out for a bike fan.
All the legends – beer and frites, fan clubs, cobblestones and star riders come together in an atmosphere I have never experienced before after a lifetime of going to bike races.
And by pure chance this year I took the best cycle racing photo I will ever take on the Patterberg – Spartacus (Fabian Cancellara) making the winning move against Peter Sagan.
Hard to repeat that, but I’ll be back again this year for my next fix.
3. Tracks and trails of Wallonia
For the mountain bikers this time. Every commune in our area has hundreds of kilometres of farm tracks, forest trails and cobbled roads that together make an amazing network of rides for mountain bikers. Where I live in Lasne the brilliant folks at Lasne Nature have signposted 250 kilometres of the trails into circular routes from 5-15km in length, all of which can be joined together to give great rides.
And this continues for village after village.
It isn’t rugged and mountainous, it isn’t the flowing singletrack of a purpose built trail centre but it is an endless source of riding. Add an unexpected and freak layer of snow for four months last year and it was plenty tough enough for hard riding too.
4. Long summer evenings
An unexpected bonus. I didn’t think I would notice the time difference between Belgium and the UK. It seems a minor point but because Belgium is an hour ahead of the UK in clock time but geographically just a few minutes ahead this is like having a whole extra hour of daylight in the evening.
In the summer this means the evenings just seem to go on for ages. When I was a little boy I used to resent being sent to bed while it was still light in the summer. Now I can commute home in the light so much later or go ride my bike after work. We have had some just lovely riding evenings, even well into the autumn.
5. Being strange
When I had made a lycra-clad appearance in our office for the second or third time a colleague said to me “you are a bit strange”.
While I decided whether to be offended or not he quickly qualified himself. He said he had never met anyone in who worked in cycling who also enjoyed cycle racing and sport or was prepared to commute in from outside Brussels. I was a bit thrown, I had come to Belgium to be part of this glorious cycling heritage and I was being portrayed as a bit of freak.
In the UK I have always been around sports cyclists even when I was working in transport and tourism and many of my colleagues carried a passing interest or a background in the sports world.
But in some areas of Belgium, especially Flanders and in the EU district of Brussels what I think of as the Dutch/Scandinavian sub-culture is really strong and it is daily transport cycling, in normal clothes on normal bikes that holds sway. It is really great to be part of this multi-national community in the mornings, taking their kids to school, going to the shops and generally giving cycling status as a proper transport mode in front of the EU political classes, unlike in much of the English speaking world where cyclists can still be distinguished as a sub-culture by sport or hipster dress codes.
For me to be “the strange one” is a statement that cycling has healthy prospects in Belgium.
6. The ever changing Belgian countryside
I have written many blog posts about the changing light and weather of Belgium over the past 12 months. I don’t know what I expected, but I don’t think it was steep-sided valleys covered in beech trees or ever changing farming landscapes. The differences across the country from West Flanders to the Ardennes pack a lot of scenery into a small country.
Belgium farming and forestry practices have a big part to play in maintaining this landscape as does the maintenance of the historic buildings and villages despite it being the battleground of Europe.
There is a big push towards organic and pesticide free farming here which means that farmers have returned to traditional practices like crop rotation and green manures. In the fields just around our house we have seen wheat, barley, sugar beet, maize, potatoes, and parsnips just this year, all mixed up with fields of cows, sheep and horses and lots of coppices of deciduous trees. And in addition to the fields themselves this wide variety enables bird and animal species that are declining in other countries to flourish. Not the large monocultures of Britain or France or the horticultural factories of the Netherlands here.
It means that even familiar roads can take on a new feel from month to month, the sense of being part of the rhythm of the land is palpable. More examples of posts here, here and here, or just chose the Belgium tab to the right.
7. Belgians like a lie in
Just 30 kilometres from the capital city, the heart of Europe. And a group of cyclists can ride for two hours on a Sunday morning and not see a car moving.
Sundays especially are like a throwback to an earlier time. The shops are not supposed to open and tranquillity regulations ensure that mowing the lawn and noisy DIY are banned.
Thank you Belgium. Don’t bother getting up, I’m going out on my bike.
8. Belgian bike fans
Cycling matters here. Or more precisely cycle sport matters here. Especially in Flanders.
Every branch too, not just the impressive heritage of road racing. I mean, where else can cyclo-cross be on the TV every Saturday and Sunday all winter and Sven Nys be a national superstar. Do you even know the name of the national cyclo-cross champion in your country? I don’t. It is in the news, the television and even the gossip. Earlier this year I blogged about how the Prime Minister of Flanders got pulled into a dispute about cycling facilities while he was away on a trip to the Tour de France, everybody is sucked into the cycling world.
I loved my trip to the Tour of Flanders Museum in Oudenaarde to absorb the legends, to the classics to celebrate with beer, frites and people in birdie suits.
And amazingly this even carries over in to driving behaviour. Drivers have a remarkable tolerance for anyone in lycra out in the countryside, they seen to be prepared to wait for ages for individual riders or in groups. Maybe less so in the rush hour in Brussels, but I have certainly noticed that when I ride like a posing roadie I get a lot more space. If only they knew just how un-Belgian my riding actually is I might not get the same respect.
9. Somewhere near to everywhere
While I was in Poland last week at the COP 19 Transport Day I met a very dour Belgian railways official. When I said I used the service every day politely he asked me “how do you find it?”
He was genuinely shocked when I said I thought it was a good network with cheap prices and how pleased I was that it carries bikes on almost every service. He turned to his companion from the European rail association and said “See, I have to come to Poland to find a satisfied customer.”
Yes some of the trains are old and tired. Yes the strikes are a pain. But I cannot be fed up in a compact country, covered masses of country lanes, varying terrain, varying history, even different languages, all seemingly within about an hour’s travel in any direction and the chance to let the trains do the work.
And beyond the borders more great cycling countries to sample, all within such easy reach. Luxembourg, Germany, France, the Netherlands……
10. My bike shed
Ok, you can’t enjoy this with me. It’s my space.
All I wanted was a shed, or a garage. When we started looking at apartments in Brussels we quickly realised that space was going to be at an absolute premium so I started reluctantly selling off some of my old bikes and bits. But having decided against city life and headed for the countryside I raised my hopes slightly that the shed would be a bit bigger.
When I visited a former farm in Lasne that we had previously ignored off as too small, too remote and without any storage in the particulars it was a very long shot.
Ok the house was fine. But seconds after entering the former milking shed I just burst into a smile that has barely left my face ever since. And now it has been properly equipped with its new livestock it has a similar effect on visitors, although mainly they just bursting out laughing.
Mysteriously the bikes seem to like it here, for it appears their numbers are growing. When the rental finishes it is going to come as an almighty shock, but for now it’s in my top 10 reasons for loving being a Belgian cyclist.
Thank you Belgium.
A year ago I wondered what life might bring. The answer? I do not despair!
This gallery contains 18 photos.
A photo gallery from the Climate Ride a week ago in Warsaw. The assembly of city hire bikes from Nextbike, all decked out in COP 19 livery. The visitors were from far and wide: Ethiopia, Chile, the Germany Embassy, British … Continue reading
On my way to today’s transport side meeting of the COP 19 climate negotiations I made a nice discovery.
After a shaky moment or two I discovered a whole network of segregated cycle lanes to the South of Warsaw city centre, eventually heading down towards some the embassies and grand houses on Belwederska. Even a few reasonable junction treatments. Nice to feel welcomed I always say.
And at the Hyatt Hotel a very nice security guard spotted me looking lost and guided me proudly to the hotel’s cycle parking. Hey, don’t knock it, this isn’t Amsterdam.
However the trip home gave me one of those stupid moments I always remember and will quote for years.
I was riding in the cycle lane when I spotted a van ahead. I grumbled internally and said “it would be ironic if it’s a police van guarding some Climate Summit VIPs”
12 of the buggers no less.
I don’t know if they take too well to irony in the Polish Police service. One cop saw my camera and started to work his way down the line towards me so I scarpered.
Climate Ride tomorrow. Looking forward to it.
After yesterday’s gloomy evening cycle into the old centre of Warsaw this morning dawns bright and clear.
And with it my hotel room offers a more realistic perspective on rush hour, and the bold cyclists of Warsaw. A scene we could repeat in so many countries.
Road bikes and fixies the only ones out there on the boulevard, although to be fair I have seen that other indicator species the cheap mountain bike on the side streets.
Those riders walk across or use the pavements when faced by these big roads.
But look at all that space – it is certainly possible to imagine that cycling infrastructure could be fitted in here. Tomorrow we can ask the politicians!
I am paying my first visit to Poland, which is very exciting, even though winter is closing in across Eastern Europe and it is all a bit cold and dark today.
I am here to support some side events at COP 19, the latest round of the United Nations Climate negotiations.We have a Transport Day on Sunday which is attracting some of the world’s top minds in the field to try and address how we reverse the increasing share transport is playing in CO2 emissions, especially in the developing world.
And on Saturday we have the “Climate Ride”, a nice physical act by the city of Warsaw to do something positive away from all the debating chambers, side events, workshops and negotiations that go on non-stop for two weeks. As one of the supporters I am really looking forward to riding with the local bike community.
I got here around lunchtime and after some meetings I just had some time in the gathering gloom to hire one of the Ventrilo city public hire bikes and orient myself.
It’s not the easiest city to ride – most of my pre-reading on various forums about cycling in Warsaw was awfully fearful about Polish drivers and general cycling conditions. I did get forced almost off the road by a bus in the first five minutes but in true idonotdespair style I was soon in to it, when i doubt I just rode up the broad sidewalks with the other cyclists. (Yes there were a few cyclists – so I truly do not despair!)
The best bit was the calm of the old restored city centre where I shall certainly return in the next few days for a further look round, especially as we start our bike ride in front of City Hall.
I also had to smile a wee bit in the context of my reason for being here. I saw two buildings that are associated with the Climate Change negotiations. The National Stadium is the host for the COP process and the Palace of Culture and Science is a second venue, promoting the COP with it’s hopeful banner “I care”.
Both were shrouded in mist today.
A bit like the COP process for many people, maybe including me. I am deputising for a colleague who couldn’t make it to this meeting. Fortunately for cycling in the long run he understand this world better than I do, and all the important questions.
Will there be a breakthrough in negotiations that we all believe can reset the path for the future?
Can anybody in the outside explain the five pages of acronyms and descriptions of all the things that are supposed to deliver the changes we need?
I am struggling to know my NAMAs from my CDMs right now, along with all the other key mechanisms for taking action on Climate Change, it is a steep learning curve.
The gain is that I get to visit Warsaw, the pain is that by Sunday I need to be fluent in COPspeak……………..back to the briefing papers.
How was the start to your weekend?
My Friday was in Almere. Doing some business, meeting friends, riding a bike.
Smiling inside.
This week I finally collected the Flying Pigeon bicycle that has been waiting for me on a Brussels street since May of this year. The classic Chinese roadster, first built in 1950 and believed to be the biggest selling bike of all time and source of a precious memory.
It is a PA-06, the double top tube model, so really up market!
I wrote about my experiences of riding in China in this post published in January of this year. If you were not following my blog at the time then I encourage you to go and have a look, there is a link to a lovely film by China TV about the peak and decline of mass cycling in China.
At the bottom of that post I mentioned that my colleague Julian had a Flying Pigeon in Brussels. Well he upped ship and returned to Australia and I quickly put myself forward to become the custodian of the Pigeon because it was not going with him. I should pretend I really don’t know why I wanted it or why I am going to love it. It is a pig to ride because the long extended fork rake gives it an awful turning circle, it has no gears, it weighs a ton and rod brakes on steel rims were never the best braking solution.
But that is the point. It is as strong as anything, built to carry loads and people and to get the job done, not for fancy Dan shimmying all over the road and certainly not for weaving around cars. And it is wonderfully and distinctively a Chinese bike, just as much a utilitarian dream machine as the upright Dutch black bike or a Brompton. If nothing else I will have it for special events and occasions as a talking point.
It also takes me back to another of my Chinese experiences in 1985. We were in Shanghai sightseeing when we arrived outside the legendary Shanghai Number 1 Department Store. I am no shopper but an early Lonely Planet guide said it had to been seen for the huge variety of Chinese products. We were allowed in because we were tourists but only higher cadres of Communist Party members and public officials were allowed to shop there, many Chinese were being turned away at the door.
As we left we were approached cautiously by a young Chinese man who spoke to us in perfect American accented English. He asked if we would be willing to go into the store and buy a bicycle. He explained “I live in America and I have come back to visit my father. What he really wants is a bicycle. I have the money but the store won’t let me in because I am Chinese. They will let you in, I can give you the money.” We were absolutely thrown by this. He seemed genuine but we were very wary of being trapped by some sort of scam that would see us in trouble. This was very much the beginning of the opening of China to Westerners and we had already had some odd experiences, we certainly didn’t want another.
If I look back now I realise that this young man must have had some sort of second sight. He could have asked us for any other item of the thousands in Department Store Number 1 and we would have walked away. But let Geoff and Kevin Mayne look on the face of an old Chinese man who has dreamed of a bicycle and we were never going to say no. The deal was done and a Flying Pigeon was passed out the door to the welcoming smiles. You never forget your first bicycle, nor the gift of a first bike.
Unfortunately there is a catch with our Brussels Flying Pigeon. The only way to hand over the bike when Julian left was to leave it locked to a signpost by a friend at a pre-determined spot in Brussels, some miles from our office or a convenient station. However these bikes can be a bit of a handful to maintain if you have never come across old school features like rod brakes and I was told it wasn’t really rideable by that point so I couldn’t just go and ride it to a station and then home. And thus it sat on the street for five months, a real test of its indestructible reputation.
Last weekend I had some things to collect which meant I reluctantly took a car into Brussels and the Pigeon finally made it on to a roof rack to be shipped out to Lasne. Sorry Julian.
It is a testament to the paint job on these bikes that the frame has remained in excellent condition, however unfortunately that can’t be said for the accessories which have taken on a rusty hue and are certainly going to need some rubbing down and some judicious restructuring or replacement of that rear wheel.
However it is now safe in a dry barn with my other bikes and it is going to give me hours of pleasure when I finally get round to polishing it up.
Look out for a wobbly Englishman on a Flying Pigeon on the streets of Brussels sometime next year, maybe after I finish restoring my Freddie Grubb fixie.
More about Flying Pigeons on Wikipedia here
As imagined in a local driving school.
Instructor:
You have done really well in our previous lessons so today we are going to have a special lesson. Today we are going to learn roundabouts.
Now there are two rules to roundabouts that you must never forget.
Rule one. There are no rules. In fact it is important that you adapt your behaviour to the circumstances so that in all situations you are able to do just what you want without other people messing up your driving rhythm.
Pupil:
That’s not a rule! Give me a proper rule that I can follow. What’s rule 2?
Instructor.
All driving at roundabouts is subject to the Laws for state secrecy. Under no circumstances should any citizen ever allow any other driver to know where you are going next.
Circulate rapidly always giving the impression that you are going to take the next exit, then just when they think you have made your choice carry on round another one or two exits just to be on the safe side.
Pupil.
What about the indicators?
Instructor.
NO. NO. NO. Indicators are used by foreigners only. Let anyone see you using an indicator and they will think you are English, then you will get no respect at all. It’s like the roundabouts with more than one lane. Don’t get in the habit of choosing the same one each time for each manoeuvre because people will expect us all to do the same and then where would we be, Germany?
Pupil.
Any special instructions if I see pedestrians and cyclists?
Instructor.
Sigh. You are not following this are you? The crossings round the roundabout are part of a statistical study. Those people waiting are not really trying to cross, they are sampling the behaviour of motorists to see how many stop. Apparently the samples to date show that it is entirely random. Which is as it should be, or people like me wouldn’t be doing our jobs.
Although you do need to be careful if you ever drive North, the Dutch keep stopping for them and it messes everything up, the cyclists get a bit pushy and expect to be taken seriously. That needs stamping out.
Clear?
Pupil.
I think so. Can we go and practice now?
Instructor.
Yes I think we should. If this goes well next time we can book you in for our special offer lesson. It lasts five hours and it is called “finding a parking space in Brussels”.
*May be Belgium
*Substitute Wallonia/Flanders at your peril.
PS: We have our own roundabout here – but that is another story!
It sounds so much better in French. Maybe more glamorous because that’s what the foreign TV commentators say during the cycle racing coverage. Like the professionals I had a “chute”, rather than “I fell off”. Chute also sounds like one of the English words that I might have used when I was lying on the ground yesterday morning after I hit a road defect fast enough for it to knock me off.
It was one of those classic falls. The bump was so hard it bounced my hands off the bars and I still had time to take in the event it as I lost control, hit the road and slid.
I am really annoyed about this one because I feel like I rode down a hill and hit a pothole I haven’t got. Despite riding this route to work many times I have absolutely no recollection of there being a pothole at that point. British comedian Jasper Carrot used to do a comic sketch where he read out silly car insurance claims. One man apparently told the insurance company “I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got” and for some stupid reason that was one of the thoughts in my head after the crash.*
Ironically I had just taken one hand off the handlebars to switch my light from flashing mode to steady beam because I wanted to be able to see the poor road surfaces on the next section through the forest. I am not sure if was off my normal trajectory, it is all a bit of a blur now. Given the state of those Belgian country roads I suspect I may have become a bit complacent because there are holes all over the place and I have got used to them. This was the earliest I have been out for a while too, it was a good twenty minutes before sunrise and I was relying on lights.
I first wrote about falling off way back in just my 10th post on this blog.
Back then I commented that there are very different attitudes to crashing among cycling’s tribes. Mountain bikers and road racers pretty much regard it as an occupational hazard while fortunately many commuters never experience a fall due to the terrain or other riders.
However my brother summed it up nicely this weekend when we were talking about mountain bike falls. He said “it just isn’t the same. I don’t seem to bounce any more and it takes longer to recover.” That is most certainly true, I feel like that even if I trip on a step while walking.
It also noticeably affects what I call “the audit”. It’s the process you go through while you are still on the ground when it starts to hurt. As I ran my mental eye over my body I was thinking “oh no, not the shoulder, that still aches from last time, and that was five years ago. Ouch, skinned knee, that’s two weeks of healing….”
What I definitely don’t do any more is leap up and go “how’s my bike?” which I might have done a few years ago.
At first this audit told me that I might be in trouble because the shoulder took the full brunt of the fall at about 30kmph. After wandering about for a few minutes I decided nothing was serious and that the only way out was to ride somewhere and under the circumstances Brussels seemed as good an option as any, I could clean up and hand over my work tasks for the day even if things were not too comfortable. I must apologise to one or two very disturbed looking fellow cyclists and even the odd driver who suspected I wasn’t testing a Halloween costume as I dripped blood through the suburbs.
The ride took about an hour (pure adrenaline I suspect) and after “clean up” at the office and a shower I thought I might be able to get through the morning but by lunchtime I was off for my first taste of Belgian emergency medicine because aches started to emerge in all sorts of places.
As a Brit I avoid A&E if at all possible, those endless hours waiting in unpleasant surrounds really have no appeal but I had reasonable hopes that the well regarded Belgian health services could do better. Best of all was that the Belgian doctor was so apologetic for my wait, that never happened to me in the UK. Lots of dressings, three stitches in the knee and fortunately no breaks on the X-rays. 3-5 days enforced rest.
Worst – boy do I ache. You are right bruv, we just don’t bounce the same way anymore.
But worse might be in store. As I crawled stiffly to bed last night Mrs Idonotdespair hinted at what she thought about me cycling for an hour and then staying at work for four hours before going to hospital. “At some point I am going to be really mad at you” I was told.
Now that could be really painful.
…………………….
*To cheer me up, here’s the classic Jasper Carrot Sketch on YouTube.
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We have just returned from a weekend in South Yorkshire which was looking stunning in autumn sunshine. Not quite Peak District, not quite Yorkshire Dales, the hills and valleys west of Barnsley around Penistone are just as stunningly beautiful for … Continue reading
I Do Not Despair 